writing and art by shannon

i'm not one for writing so much these years anymore, but i think i'm going to start to try harder. I have a lot of big changes and challenges this year; i'm getting married, we just moved in together, in own place - roomate free just us and penelope, i'm starting a new job, have to make some decisions about school, etc.... might get a bunny or a puppy this year, starting to take photography more seriously... there's some not so awesome news too. We have some not so hopeful thoughts about my grandpa's health this year, my nana's not doing that great and my uncle... well that needs to be explained and sorted out in it's own light. In the mean time, while I want to keep this blog going, i will post new art as soon as there is new art i want to post :) but i have a new blog where i'll be sharing my photos and slowly but surely working this all out and hopefully making it come together :) please see http://vernacularretrograde.blogspot.com

<3 thx

"k, it's your turn.

punch me in the stomach".

let's feel something.

'life's a party'

grab a straw-

we'll chatterbox tonight

noses will bleed

but first;

"punch me in the stomach.

I'm ready,

k wait- now i'm ready".

************

you don't fit

in here,

all of them surround you

in noise

but you're quiet like me,

you don't fit in

like me

and i like you

let's get outta this place.

**************************

***

my city caved in.

downtown.

right in the center.

i want to help it along,

stand on it's head

light a match and

watch it all burn.

**************************

***

destruction is inevitable

without epiphany;

i tried analyzing my dreams,

but i'm either so stoned that i can't wake up, or i'm so anxious that i can't sleep

and my throat sounds

to comfort, keep me company

like a dripping tap over a clogged drain.

**************************

***

Bridges to Nowhere

---------------

my body yearns for him to touch me like you used to

i don't miss it,

i don't miss you.

he makes me undone

you were always too much

never wanted,

never craved

but him, i savour-

and would gladly overdose on his flesh,

like the holiest of communion.

i'm giving you my heart.

you can hold it,

you can carry it around, on any journey

you can give it back

you can break it.

because i know;

that you're worth

chancing,

losing,

keeping,

and dreaming

about.

untitled

------

you've got all the wrong answers

at all the wrong times

i always fall for the hearts

that don't seem to consider mine-

and i don't know what i'm doing

i don't know what i've done

i'm spinning in a circle

and reaching out for no one

to be

-----

alone

forever.

i don't need it;

this is just an addiction,

a malfunction.

i wear a mask that

you can't see through

and i can't

remove

your loss,

i'll be,

alone

forever.

lies upon lies, upon...

-----------------

sick

strong

so sweet and bitter

i smell your decay,

though you're still months away-

do you feel my fingers?

i've been scratching into your back

here,

where they belong

for every time

you've said it wrong.

who are you?

i want the truth.

catch her

in the lie...

Skeleton

-------

i can feel my back,

wet with blood.

my blood.

i'm laying here,

cold,

hard,

complacent

to what i've become.

My jaw tight;

i wish not to break our silence by

announcing judgement.

i'll wait til i can move my hands,

then i'll start pointing fingers.

it isn't what i want,

what i'm waiting for

my worth

so i'm lying here.

cuz it's easier to fib it,

than accept it...

rigor crawls

to steal my pulse.

***************

arms hold tight

oh i wish it was us

pulsating with life,

moving with love

tentacles burn bright

oh,

i wish it was us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The wind's on your side,

It's too cloudy for stars

You lay there each night

Wondering where you are

Each blade of grass cuts you straight

Through the heart

is it loud enough?

Breaking bad, you're losing good

No one really knows you in this neighbourhood

You've got secrets you keep tucked away

In what you carry around

Silent like ghost

They make no sounds

You trust the path

You know is littered

And gonna blow-

It's a slippery slope

Living on cigarettes and dope

You tried to drown

But you couldn't cope

With the flavour of the water;

Soiled; you cried out for soap

no one hears you

you're not loud enough

Picking through the trash always feels like home

Uncertainty brings you both comfort and hope

You're a hungry little fire starter

That's looking for both

When it's right there though

it's not good enough

nothing's good enough

For a starry eyed princess

In her wedding gown

Blowing up the city

When no one's around

Your bones are solid,

But your skin is torn

Looking for a new suit

That hasn't been worn

Put your best face forward

Cuz it's all that you know

You walk the line

Between horrible and fine

It's the only thing you own

That's loud enough,

That's good enough

sometimes.

**********************************

goddammit.

smoke blew through her lips as she rocked on the stoop.

chills and goosebumps when it wasn't even cold, each time the minute hand hadn't moved.

wait. fiddle. type, erase. wait, pace...wait.

the anxiety filling up like water in a tub that's been forgotten, only to get everything wet and ruined.

She dodged a bullet last night, straight to the heart, not because she didn't want to die;

but because she wanted to give what was left in her to him.

"say it once, just ask. i'd drop it all for you."

she said to herself

"say it twice, just so i feel the reassurance of you, then we'll disappear. That's what we want right? to disappear? And read, and drink, and paint each other with the muds and sands of the earth around us".

"When we're alone, we'll call them to us and then we'll be surrounded by the same love that i can give to you, now that i've dodged this bullet."

I'll close your eyes, and then close mine.

limbo

we're hardly neck and neck for the difficulty that this presses
we're hardly neck and neck.

i been here all day with my awkward belly and my constant paces.
is he there?
i heard a car door.

knock knock?

knock knock!

no.

it's the cable guys
i plead voluntary simplicity.
they most likely think me crazy
and i'm close.

i am in limbo
as looming thoughts press my chest
i grow more agitated and restless.

slam?

slam!

"45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50,..."

nope.